Thursday, April 3, 2014

No more self-improvement

I constantly say "my next plan" or "my new project" and my mind is always buzzing with a million ideas. 
I read a lot of motivational sayings and lists of things you should do to enjoy life (not because I don't know, because I like to remind myself of the important things). Here's the problem with all this "making the most of life" and "appreciating the small moments" and self-improvement, community improvement, self-esteem improvement..... it's starting to hurt my head (I mean, literally, it eats at me if I don't finish a book... I feel like I'm not accomplishing enough). 

I think we can so immerse ourselves in all the information out there on what we need to be doing, that somewhere along the way, we forget what we're doing and the whole thing becomes a giant to do list, one more part of the self-improvement craze that leaves us feeling unsatisfied and in my case, a bit like a failure.

The more things you find for yourself to do, the fewer things you're probably doing well, the more I feel like I'm not doing enough. The more I find for myself to do. Until, really nothing ever gets done, I just stress about all that needs doing. It's like a compulsion. I'm sick of it.

And I'm not even saying what I want to say particularly well at this point, but that's okay. I'm not gonna stress about it.

And here's a picture of Weetzie with wings
We did these collages at a Teen Photo Night. I look ridiculous but it was fun.

So, my last plan, my last verbal "to do"... No more plans.
A hiatus from projects. I don't have to be "doing" all the time. Constant busy-ness doesn't make up for mistakes I made in the past or guarantee I won't make more in the future. 
It's just busy-ness. It's just stressful. And what am I hanging on to that for?

My brain feels better already.

1 comment:

Kitya said...

Good choice. You don't need to rush through like :)