Wednesday, July 7, 2010

So Kellie posted this 30 days of truth thing... I think I'm gonna try to do it. I may not always post what I write, but it's probably a good exercise.

Day 01 →? Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 →? Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 →? Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 →? Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 →? Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 →? Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 →? Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 →? Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 →? Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 →? Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 →? Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 →? Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 →? A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 →? A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 →? Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 →? Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 →? A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 →? Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 →? What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 →? Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 →? (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 →? Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 →? Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 →? Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 →? The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 →? Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 →? What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 →? What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 →? Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 →? A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Day 1 Something you hate about yourself. Beside my ridiculously sensitive skin and horrible legs, I hate that I don’t handle confrontation well. And by that mean I mean, I can’t tell people no when it’s really important but I also hate when people talk to me about anything stressful. I totally shut down. Lately I’ve taken to getting really angry at them which is silly and so unlike my high school self.

The thing is, I wouldn’t mind if I was just doing nice things for other people, like being self-sacrificing or even a martyr, but I torment myself the whole time I do it. I grumble internally or beat myself up about it. If I didn’t like confrontation, but did it cheerfully, at least I could say I had a good attitude about it. I don’t. I so stressed out internally. I think ultimately I’m selfish. I’m afraid people won’t like me, I will hurt their feelings, or they will leave me. None of the above are great reasons really.

Day 2 A thing I love about myself. At the moment, not too much honestly. It’s been a bit of a rough patch lately. Perhaps I love that I always hope. Even when things are abnormally bleak, part of me inside hangs on for a better tomorrow. I can’t explain it, and often my hopes are absurdly unrealistic or not plausible, but I still always hope. In some ways, I hate this about myself, because it means I don’t give up on things long past the point they are ruined, but I think it’s gotten me through a lot. I also love my faith in God. Maybe they go hand in hand. Some days, things seem so horrible, and it would seem that God doesn’t care, but I never ever doubt that He is God and that He is there. I’m certainly not always “good”, but I always have faith.

Obviously my day 1 and day 2 are combined.


Katie said...

This post is so sweet and truthful. I admire your faith. To me, it is one of the best qualities someone can have and you should be very proud of it :)
Thank you for your kind comment on my blog :) Please do get in touch in the future about your doll project, I would love to hear!

Laura Lou said...

I do the same thing with confrontations... I don't handle them well AT ALL! I try to avoid it as much as I can.. but then again I just get overly anxious and worked up about it.